“In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human successes, but on how well we have loved.”
John of the Cross

“That’s a sobering thought.” So said my friend when I shared this quote with her. And it is. Our culture convinces us that success in life is measured by wealth, possessions, accomplishments, busyness, influence, power, health, sex appeal, and reputation.

But in God’s upside-down and others-centered kingdom come to earth, true human success (if such a word is appropriate) is how well we have loved. And notice it’s not just that we loved, but how well we loved.

Bishop Todd Hunter has often used the phrase “competent love.” Jesus loved competently because his intent to do good to another was always infused with wisdom to know what good that person needed and the power to actually bring about that good. Whether it was casting out demons, healing the sick, feeding the hungry, comforting the hurting, or confronting the unjust, Jesus always knew exactly what was needed and was capable of bringing it into reality.

Then I think of my own attempts to love others. Most of the time, I feel I’m just acting lovingly. Acting lovingly is just that — acting. It’s not coming from the reality of embodied divine love within me. It’s just behavior modification. It’s trying to do something I’m not truly prepared to do. It’s like trying to play the piano when all I know are three chords. Sure the three chords might sound nice. But they don’t always work in every situation. And I end up trying to force them into a situation where they’re not helpful. And that’s not love.

As I follow Jesus as his apprentice, I can learn to practice love. This is different than acting lovingly. Sure my capacity and ability to love are still lacking as before. But now I’m practicing. I’m doing what I’m capable of doing to meet God in such a way that I slowly become able to do what I currently cannot do by direct effort. When I perform simple acts of love, and other relevant spiritual practices, that are within my capacity and in interaction with Jesus, they create opportunities for God to slowly transform me. As Dallas Willard states:

“They enable us to receive grace in the ordinary events of life to keep our minds centered in the mind of Christ, and acting with the Holy Spirit to be the kind of person Jesus has called us to be and gives us to be.”

To return to the piano analogy, now the three piano chords I’m capable of playing, along with practicing new skills under a teacher’s skillful tutelage, begin to transform me into a more capable piano player. And the music I create will change from constantly hammering three basic chords to new melodies and harmonies. 

Will I ultimately be a world-renowned pianist? Probably not. But I will be capable of playing with greater diversity and competence than before. I will be able to play well. Or to return to John of the Cross, I will be able to love well.

Loving well. Competent love. Practicing love with Jesus as our Master and Teacher transforms our hearts and lives into embodied love. Our thoughts, feelings, will, and bodies become more poised and capable of love. We’re no longer acting lovingly. Like God, we are love.

This is extremely essential since the greatest commandment in God’s kingdom is to love God and love others. As citizens and participants in his kingdom, we cannot merely act lovingly toward God and others. Like God, we must be love in order to love well.