This is probably an unexpected way to begin. But I wanted to put this on the table from the start. I have read leadership and self-improvement books for over three decades. Virtually all of them spotlight the authors’ successes. Frankly we wouldn’t read their books if they hadn’t succeeded in the areas about which they write. 

But I think we have to be very careful using the word “success” when discussing being Jesus’s apprentices. It is easy to perceive following Jesus as a project similar to getting in shape, fixing up our house, or obtaining a certification. We can incorrectly think of it as a process, that if we apply ourselves properly and learn the right principles and actions, we will act like him and thus be successful spouses, parents, friends, employees, leaders, etc. And while success in those areas may be a byproduct, that is not the primary goal of following Jesus. Being Jesus’ apprentice is not a program to make us successful in our lives and careers. It is learning from him how to naturally BE like him, so that like him we can be the embodied presence of God in love, faith, hope, joy and peace for the sake of others.

Learning from Jesus how to be like him is the full transformation of who we are from the inside out. And by becoming like Jesus, we become authentic image-bearing human beings, who embody the actual presence of God like Jesus did. And like Jesus, we work for the kingdom of God in this world, anticipating the fullness of God’s New Creation that Jesus launched through his resurrection. To put it in a simple way, we are becoming new kinds of people who can live in and work for God‘s New World that Jesus is creating. And we do so in the midst of this current world, living lives of competent love, sacrifice, justice, and joy for the sake of others in a world that oftentimes opposes that work.

So in my experience, following Jesus, especially at work, has been an exercise in personal failure. I’ll be frank. I’m not a great leader. I’m not saying this in a self-deprecating way. Like most people, I’m an average leader with some strengths and weaknesses. As such, I truly think there were more days when I would drive home from work feeling like I had completely failed Jesus rather than successfully embodied him.

I failed by being indecisive. I failed by being too decisive. I failed by saying the wrong things. I failed by not saying the right things. I failed by saying the right things at the wrong time. I failed by gossiping. I failed by breaking my team’s trust. I failed by being lazy. I failed by being selfish. I failed by being afraid. I failed by being angry. I failed by overreacting. Recently, there was an incident when I failed so badly and angered the wrong people that my supervisor and I thought I was going to lose my job. And the list can go on and on and on.

But as I mentioned before, following Jesus is not a process to personal success and accomplishment. It is learning to be like him and live like him as though he was living in my place. And the only thing I can bring to this relationship is who I am — my personality, talents, weaknesses and baggage. So learning to be like him is a slow process involving lots of failure.

But here’s what I’ve learned. As I try to learn to be like Jesus, the process of failing is an essential formative part of learning to be like Jesus. 

Even though I usually had the best intentions, the process exposed my corruption, my brokenness, my inabilities, and my misperceptions. Even my strengths were misapplied at times. I empathize with the disciples in the Gospels, especially Peter. They tried to speak and act appropriately, but always got it wrong because everything they said and did, even with the best intentions, no longer “worked” in the world Jesus was building.

Following Jesus is more than behavior modification or changing one’s perspective. It is nothing less than a transformation of who you are from your core being outward. Jesus said that his kingdom was not from this world. It didn’t originate from nor was fueled by the ideologies, values and priorities of what we call the “real world.” Trying to live and operate in his kingdom is like doing so in an alien culture where everything we naturally understand to be true no longer works.

Let’s imagine that you traveled back 2000 years to ancient Japan and were stranded there. Your language, values, priorities, ideas and actions won’t work in your new setting. Your only option is to become like those in this culture that seems very alien to you. You could adopt their dress, learn their language, and try to understand their culture. But it would take decades immersed in this culture until you were finally transformed and truly embodied this culture; where you would naturally think, speak, relate, and dream in the new language, values and perspective of the ancient Japanese and the language, values and perspective of your previous culture had almost faded away.

Also, the process of failing did more than expose me. It caused me to be honest with myself. Trying to follow Jesus and desiring to be like him seemed to magnify my failures. My failures seemed worse because I longed to be Jesus’ presence and representative in my workplace and was failing to do so. In turn, this made me realize that I didn’t just need to learn new values and behaviors from Jesus. I needed HIM. I needed his mercy, his love, his power, his life. 

In John 17:3 Jesus described the life of God’s coming age (i.e., learning from him how to be like him in his new world) as knowing God and Jesus the Messiah. In other words, the life of God’s new age is available through an intimate relationship with Jesus. Earlier in John’s Gospel, Jesus spoke of this intimate relationship a different way. He said we needed to remain in him and he in us like branches dependently attached to the vine.

So my failures made me turn to him and cling to him and trust him even more.

So is there a way of measuring success? Again I think we need to be very careful about that word. Perhaps there are ways to check our progress as Jesus’ apprentices. I think about confidence and loyalty to God in any circumstance. Naturally caring for and even sacrificing for people around me, regardless of cost is another one. Forgiving people easily for any slight against me, including betrayal and lying could be another one. Peace and joy in all circumstances is another. These are just a few off the top of my head. But the moment we reduce a relationship with Jesus to a handful of metrics, we risk completely missing the point.

Or here’s a passage from Colossians 3:12-17 that can provide a good health check:

“You must be tender-hearted, kind, humble, meek, and ready to put up with anything. You must bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against someone else, you must forgive each other . . . On top of all this you must put on love, which ties everything together and makes it complete. Let the Messiah’s peace be the deciding factor in your hearts; that’s what you were called to, within the one body. And be thankful. Let the Messiah’s word dwell richly among you, as you teach and exhort one another in all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs to God with grateful hearts. And whatever you do, in word or action, do everything in the name of the master, Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the father.”

So as I follow Jesus, he is not going to short-circuit the lifelong process of intimate relationship and transform me into a paragon of success in my life or career. That’s not his goal. Rather, we are being formed into authentic human beings like Jesus was — prepared to continue what he started and live a life of transformative love, forgiveness, justice, and sacrifice for the good of those around me. But my own personal selfishness, corruption, and desires don’t evaporate and still continue to get in the way. 

I fail. I’ll keep failing. But even my failures are an essential part of the transformation.